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  • Writer's pictureBarbara Perleberg

Our Statement of Support Meeting

Updated: Apr 30, 2018

Ok, so last night before the cameras turned on, we were all minding our own business and I was just placing my gavel on the table where I like to have it right in front of my right hand so I can grab it quick just in case a sh-t storm breaks out and I noticed Allyson wasn't there yet. She is generally the first to arrive and she likes that chair next to Sandy's because it is a little stiffer than the others and helps to support her back while she is napping. She told me she naps like that with her eyes open and that no one can really tell she's asleep because it is a rare reaction from a botox injection that happens in about 1 out of every 2 million people that have those shots in their faces. She said it startles her husband and he says she looks like one of those dummies in Madame Tussaud's Museum, but I think it is neat and I think she is pretty. Ok, so back to her being late. Well all of a sudden, she comes into the room and she is advancing towards me and her legs are not moving because she was riding a hover-board. She was so cool, she looked like a specter in that long white sun dress. So I ran over to see how it worked and she told me that she was sorry she was a little late for our pre-meeting meeting, but that as she was walking through the parking lot she saw a sophomore kid that she knows and he was vaping and riding on that hover-board. So she starts yelling at the kid to stop vaping, and at the same time she saw him, she broke a heel, fell down and the kid started laughing at her. So she walked over to him, sort of hopping on the one good shoe and when she got close she kicked the kid right in the n-ts, flashed her SUSD Governing Board badge (the one that I had made for everyone last year - they look like a policeman's badge) and confiscated his hover-board and rode on in.

No one wants to be late to the pre-meeting meeting, because that's when Pam gives everyone their marching orders on what is going to happen when the cameras start rolling, and also she hands out one Ritalin tab to each of us so that we can power through those meetings. So Pam told us yesterday that we were going to craft a non-statement statement of support, which is her specialty. Apparently she learned about doing this at this training program that she went to when she decided that she would be a politician after a certain person in her life left her to start another family, which by the way, is the source of Pam's ability to be super mean. That thing she does with her head, when it turns like 360 degrees and her body does not move at all, like Linda Blair from the Exorcist, is the result of some weird treatment she sought out in Tibet after the green curtain got pulled back on her marriage. She told me that being mean is like an art form and she is like Picasso, and she is not kidding about that. She told us once at that summer retreat we go to that is paid for by the vendors that she re-possessed the stents that were implanted in her former father-in law during her divorce, and that pretty much did it for all of us and from that day forward we have all been scared sh-tless of her.

Ok so yea, the statement. Well basically it says a bunch of goofy stuff like we like teachers, and says that we have given them raises each year for the last two years, which is hilarious because it was only like 1% each year which made Pam laugh like a hyena, and then we said stuff like if Governor Ducey's plan actually works we would think about Certified and Staff positions as salary and wage decisions are made. Honestly, I know I'm not the best writer when it comes to this and just about anything, but Pam really outdid herself here and then she made all of us sign it. At first, Fuller said she would not sign it because she knows she is getting the heave-ho, but Pam just stared her down with one of those Gozer the Gozarian laser beam looks and she signed quicker than you can count to 1. It actually looks pretty good and all the signatures line up so perfectly. Here is the link: Alright, I gotta go. Turns out Allyson confiscated that vape pen too so we are going to a hang at her place. I'll write more tomorrow, I promise.

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