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  • Writer's pictureBarbara Perleberg

Running for cover

Can someone explain to me the difference between an Interim Superintendent and an Acting Superintendent. I keep asking this but I honestly do not know.

Heavy is the head that wears the crown. Although I like the prestige of being Governing Board President, and the perks, like the universal pass key to all buildings, my parking space with my name on it, my badge that I get to carry that I had made for everyone on the LadyBoard, and the siren I can put on my car if I have to get to the District in the event of an emergency, it is just exhausting. I have only used the siren once, back in 2016, and it was for that time that Louis Hartwell pierced a sewer main with that back hoe he was using to excavate under Denise's office that was going to allow her to open a hatch under her desk and escape in the event that the annex was attacked. Louis can't read blueprints, or anything else that does not start with "One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish", and he was not able to figure out there was a sewer main running right under the annex. So when that back hoe he was using broke the pipe, that hole under the annex starting filling with raw, untreated sewage, and it began to lift the annex's foundation, and the whole annex started surfing on it's foundation and floating down the front lawn of the property moving towards the street on a river of sh-t. Someone in the crowd watching this said to me that it seemed like a metaphor for what was happening at the District, and I just lost it and screamed at him, shouting him down, and asked him how on Earth could he equate the whole Birdwell Administration, being swept away in a river of sewage, with what was happening at the District. What a moron.

So today Kay really lost it when we voted for Kriekard, and I was just scared to answer my K-200H, which is the cell phone she issued to each member of the LadyBoard in case her (is it her or she, I have to ask Yihyun) or Denise has to get in touch with us. She likes to be able to reach us wherever and whatever. In fact, there is a small camera in the end of my gavel that transmits directly to Kay, which is why I always sit at the bend of that table in Executive Session so that Kay can get a better read on everyone's faces and emotions when we are getting ready to vote. I do not know how I screwed this Acting Superintendent Vote up, but Kay was so angry, it was like there was a little bit of fire coming out of the part of the phone you hold up to your ear. Basically, she was mad as a box of frogs cause this guy Kriekard can not be bought off, and in fact, Kay Hartwell says he won't even speak with her, won't even take her calls. Pam was angry too because even though Kriekard endorsed Pam, she said he is going to pour kill sauce on her plans to sell off Kiva and she was going to earn a big commission from the developers for pulling that off. Otherwise, Pam is running out of money and she thinks she is going to have to get married to some old geezer and pull an Anna-Nicole Smith.

And let me tell you this, I have spent two days dumpster diving outside of the office of Hunt and Carroway trying to find proof that Roubichaux guy is writing that blog, and the stink from moving around in those dumpster's is worse than getting a whiff of my attorney's nasty grey horsetail thing she has coming out of her head, and I still don't have any proof. It is so hard to get the stench off of me from the dumpster diving, that when I walked into executive, Sandy turned her head and blurted out, "who farted?"

I think now only Kim Hartmann is safe from Kay because she voted like she was told to do by Kay, even though she could hardly get the words out of her mouth. How smart do you have to be to be a CPA? Maybe it is not Roubichaux writing all that false light stuff about me. Maybe it is a ploy by someone not even on the enemies list to cause dissension within the ranks of the LadyBoard. I don't think my attorney, Secretariat, is being very helpful. She just keeps pointing the finger at Norton, but I don't think it is him. I'm thinking it might be the fake news guy, Derek Staahl. He is so darn cute.

I want to thank my supporters and you can bet your sweet ass I watch that website that that those rabble rousers post to on Facebook and I want to give out a big shout out to my new besty Allison. She has four names in her profile because I think she is pretty rich and the more money you have the more names they let you put on your birth certificate or something like that and I think she was moved by that story about me losing a family member at Auschwitz when he fell from a guard tower because she has a big ole swastika on her Facebook page. Like me, she believes that satire should be outlawed and that public officials should never be ridiculed or made fun of. We've been hanging a bit lately, and she shares my values and my belief in censorship. It is comforting to know I'm not alone.

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