top of page
  • Writer's pictureBarbara Perleberg

Why I am issuing a Pardon to Laura Smith

I know that I have to finish the second part of the first chapter of Profiles in Courage, especially because my profile of me is the the subject of the first chapter, but now, with the fake news that Laura Smith has been indicted that is being reported by that fake newspaper, the AZ Republic, I have decided that I must do what is right in the face of criticism and issue the first pardon of my administration.

Now usually in the face of criticism, I like to sue someone, or at a minimum, send out a cease and desist letter. One of the principles of advanced Gavelstry is to admit neither mistakes nor incompetence, and to rule with an iron fist. So with that arrow of knowledge in my quiver, it would be stupid to retract support for Laura, plus, she only did what we were all doing.

As I said to the Arizona Republic on June 23, 2017:

Governing Board President Barbara Perleberg said she and other district leaders are aware of Smith's connection to PGPC, but don't believe it's cause for concern.

"I can't speak directly to that connection," she said. "I know our counsel has looked into it and has not expressed any concerns to us at this time. ... It's my understanding that Ms. Smith was never the one choosing that company and she wasn't here when the company was hired."

Now, if I have to admit that I was wrong about this, I will also be admitting that I made a mistake.

Even Kim Hartmann said to Laura on 12-12-17:

"I don't have a question, um, at this time, but I do want to say that, um, I really feel for what you had to endure at the beginning of this, um ... this meeting. And I do want to say that I've ... I'm ... Personally I have 30 years in financial accounting, CPA, public accounting partner. I've worked with some of what I believe are the most talented people on the industry. And I would include you among them. You and I have spent much time together looking at the numbers and how to pull them together, and I have 100 percent confidence in what you're doing behind the scenes. I also know that it is not a diffi... It is not an easy story to communicate. Um, it's very complicated. And accounting systems particularly public school accounting systems."

There is no f-cking way as PRESIDENT OF THE GOVERNING BOARD, that we are or that I am going to apologize or admit we made or I made a mistake.

Therefore, by the power invested in me as President of the SUSD Governing Board, on this 14th day of May in year of our Lord 2018, I hereby proclaim that Laura Smith is receiving a Pardon for all wrongdoing, now known or to be known in the future from past events, and from this point forward I order her charges to be dismissed and the matter to be brought to a close. Further Affiant Sayeth Naught,

Barbara Perleberg + Two Gavel Raps

Oh shit, I screwed up. My daughter just read this and told me that yes, The President can issue a pardon, but it has to be The President, as in President Trump (personal hero), not the President of the school board. Now how am I supposed to know that and how would anyone know that. Now Laura is going to have to face the music and she might have some dirt on Denisey and be willing to trade, so my K-200H is ringing off the hook, and I do not want to pick that up. But Pam just texted and said that they have put out an APB on Denise Birdwell and they are looking for her in that Sancho Panza get-up and the donkey cart heading south on the 10.

Okay, back on point. There are some of you people who have read my up to the minute reports in this blog, which are supposed to give you insight into the LadyBoard, and have come to the conclusion that I am not that smart, well you are all wrong. This idea that I am not bright is wrong, and everyone (excluding my immediate family, the LadyBoard, Denise, Kay, Roubichaux and others) have a very different view about me and I will tell you just how smart I am. Well, if you have seen that Respect our Scottsdale Students page you know that I am set to collect $1.5 million from that website that is making fun of me for some of the things I have actually said and done and for just making up stuff. Never mind that. The point is this, I ran unopposed, did many things while President that have led people to say, "Barbara, you have the intelligence of cloth", but because someone is making fun of me, I will get $1.5 million dollars. Who's laughing now? Not all those stupid teachers who are making less than $20 per hour. With that kind of money, $1.5 million, I am going to buy a few teachers and just keep them around the house to be my servants. So there. Who's the smart one now?

Okay, back on point, sorry to vent. I hate when you all see my mean side. Makes me seem like Pam.

Okay, back on point. There is a "Donate Now" button on my website that will take you to the "Free Laura Smith" donation page so that we can raise money for her legal fees. However, for political reasons, that site can not really say it is the Free Laura Smith Site, so the money is being routed through Planned Parenthood. Every dollar you donate to Free Laura Smith site will instead go to Planned Parenthood and will be put through a special investment process whereby 100% of the principal will go to Planned Parenthood, but 100% of the interest made on the money you donate, will also go to Planned Parenthood. And by actually not donating to the Free Laura Smith site, you are not just helping Laura, you are helping all women. And because Laura is a woman, she will also be helped. That is my philanthropic idea for the day.

Okay, Sandy just sent me this, but I don't think it is Denise Birdwell, at least I hope not but Denise has been on the lamb before, and she has a lot of disguises. I hope it is not her.

Remember the new motto I coined for the District, "We Educate!"

306 views0 comments


bottom of page